respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
