I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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