I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
