I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
