Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
