i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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