Pappa wants mamma naked
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
