May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize