Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
