it wasn't lemon gatorade
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
