She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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