every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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