he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
