this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
