Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
