I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
