There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
