I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
