i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
