So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
