Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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