Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
