Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
