@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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