Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize