I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
