y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
