; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
