in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
