woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i dont even know how to be here
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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