i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
