My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
