Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
