I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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