OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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