I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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