Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Randomize
