she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
