i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize