So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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