Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She even gives head with a lisp.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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