Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
