My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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