Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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