i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
