the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
