I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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