I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Boobs speak an international language.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
