I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
