i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
