Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
