it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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