Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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