About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Please don't give away my fajitas
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
