i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
