did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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