Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I think a kid would responsible me up
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
