Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
