I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
